Heart in Hand’s Weblog

I’m sitting here today listening to tunes because quite frankly, every time I move, well, nevermind.  Anyway.  I thought to myself just now, “Oh I should be turning this into a blog post.”  I’m always thinking of you people.

So, here goes, I’ll click RANDOM and see what comes up.

• Turn Out The Light by Nelly Furtado.  I love Nelly!  I am always saying “Whoa, Nelly Furtado!” because I’m cool like that.  I love trying to sing along with this song “followmefollowmefollowmefollowmedowndowndown till you see all my dreams”  It’s a mouthful!
• Red House by Matt Andersen.  If y’all like the blues, find yourself some Matt Andersen because he IS the blues~!  He doesn’t give me the blues though, he makes me smile.  I especially love his stuff where it’s just him and his guitar.  This is a great song!
• So Far Away by Carole King.  This is a sad song.  Especially today hearing that Madonna and Guy are getting a divorce.  Maybe if they’d listened to more Carole King, they’d have been able to figure it out.  Ahhh, who am I kidding?  There isn’t a man alive that has bigger balls than Madonna so she may as well become a lesbian. 
• When It’s Love by Van Halen.  I listen to Van Halen differently since I read Valerie Bertinelli’s book “Losing It”…like I have a greater appreciation for them, I think.  It’s the stuff about No Brown M&Ms.  Everyone knows that Van Halen had a clause in their rider specifying that they wanted M&Ms but no brown ones.  (You knew that, right?) Anyway, after reading Val’s book, you come to find that it was included in their safety stuff so the band KNEW that if there were brown M&Ms that their safety clauses weren’t read.  Smart cookies those alcoholic drug addicted rock stars are!
• Last Man Standing by Duran Duran.  This was from their Red Carpet Massacre disc from last year.  It bums me out.  Fast Forward.
• Take The Box by Amy Winehouse.  This song is from her first album called Frank.  God, that skinny crackhead is talented.  What a sad, shame of a waste!  She’s got a real bluesy big band sound that no one else has right now.  Get off the junk, Amy.
• Maniac by Michael Sembello.  For all of us who came of age in the 80s, does any song make you want to put legwarmers on over jazz shoes more than THIS SONG?!
• Runaway Train by Rosanne Cash.  I haven’t heard this song in 264 years.  It’s good.  No wonder JT has a soft spot for her.
• Hey Baby by No Doubt.  Not in the mood.  Fast Forward.
• Stairway to the Stars by Sweet.  Now that I read Nikki Sixx’s Heroin Diaries, I know what an influence Sweet was on him and now when I listen to both Sweet and Motley Crue, I can see why and I can see the connection.  I listened to Desolation Boulevard yesterday and it is such a classic album!  Love it!
• Magic by The Cars.  Fast Forward.
• Little Rosie by The Philosopher Kings.  I don’t think I’ve ever listened to this.  Gimme a minute.  “I’m deeply twisted around you…” yeah I like this.  It sounds like a Bossa Nova setting on one of those synthesizers from the day and it’s distracting the shit out of me.  Okay, fast forward.
• Sara by Fleetwood Mac.  Talk amongst yourselves, I’m going to go spin with Stevie for about four minutes….
• Cowboy Romance by Natalie Merchant.  This song gives me goosebumps.  Natalie Merchant could sing the phone book and you’d know right away it was her because her voice is so distinct.  “You ain’t been born till you get out of town…” I’m a sucker for a fiddle/violin.  Mostly a fiddle though.  Must be my heritage.
• Got Me Under Pressure by ZZ Top.  No matter how many years pass, I still always thing of Dug Deline.  We hung out for some time after graduation and he always only had ZZ Top in his truck.  Every ZZ Top song reminds me of him except Tube Snake Boogie.  That song reminds me of Peter Cocchi.
• Bring me to Life by Evanescance.  This song reminds me of a few years ago when Em was in Junior High school…she played this disc over and over and over and um, over!  It reminded me of when I did the same thing with the Purple Rain Soundtrack.  I think that’s when my mom started really knocking back the Kahlua. I like the mix of of hard rock, classical music, the rap (Linkin Park sings here too) and her voice.

That’s probably enough for now although.  I think I’m going for a nap, I’m drained from all the voter drama last night!  Tomorrow Kay and I are in GP for the second-last ortho visit.  I’ll be bringing my camera when the braces come off next month because I want a snap of the man who is responsible for giving that child a beautiful smile!  (And I wanna show all my peeps how cute he is!)

Peace out!

My period started yesterday and I’m bleeding like a harpooned midget.

I have to go vote at some point today and I’ll probably have to put a diaper on in order to leave the house.  But that’s not what’s up in my craw today.  Oh no, that’s not it at all!

On Sunday, Derwood’s family got together for Thanksgiving.  They called us Tuesday but our plans had already been in the works, so we informed them as such and life goes on.  (This, I think, is our new policy.  If people don’t want to make plans in advance, we are just going to make our own and then blow them off when they do call…no more last minute scramble.)  Anywhosen!  So, Em had to work a split on Sunday so between shifts, she headed over to the house to eat dinner with the family.  She left, giving herself a little bit of time before work but barely making it in time for her shift.

Um, because she hit the ditch on the way into town.

See, Em’s car has been giving her trouble.  Her gauges have been going all willy nilly on her so instead of talking to her dad about it, she’s been just whacking the dashboard to jar them back to work.  Well, apparently whacking your dashboard going 70 km/hr down a gravel road will make you go into a skid and the $600 driver training course your parents bought you will have been for naught as you will END UP IN THE DITCH.

So, she called her cousin at the house, he came and pulled her out.  Nice kid.  Thanks.  ANYWAY.  So, I’m talking to her yesterday because she finally had five minutes to actually call me and she tells me this story.  So, I tell Derwood who immediately throws clothes in a bag and runs out of here to go fix her car.  Remember, Derwood has White Knight Syndrome and leaps at every opportunity to go and save someone’s day.

So, he calls me later and says that he thinks he has it fixed (turns out not quite) but that he heard a DIFFERENT story as to why she ended up in the ditch.  According to his sources, SHE WAS TEXTING on her cell phone (that we recently replaced for her) when she lost control.  SO, he’s pissed off and once he tells me, I’m really pissed off, so I do what I always do, I call her and I freak RIGHT THE FUCK OUT.  I tell her that “I will call the phone company and if I find out she was lying, I will not pay tuition for her this winter and she will NOT have a free place to live this summer and I am fucking done and don’t you fucking know how dangerous it is….blah blah blah. “

My kid was BAWLING.

This is how I know she is telling me the truth because if she was lying, she’d be protesting and just a little bit more defiant.  I tell her that I don’t believe her though because I’m all about the Mind-Fuck, apparently.

So, I talk to Derwood again and I say “I think your sources are fucked and he informs me that it was Horse’s Ass that told him that she was texting and I said “Well, how the fuck would he know, he wasn’t even there for Thanksgiving?!” and he says his Giant Baby Brother told HIM, and then HE told Derwood.  So, I freak again because this isn’t even second hand information, it’s like third or fourth hand information.

So, my phone beeps and it’s Em and she is still bawling and she says that she talked to The Tanorexic and SHE was the one who initially said Em was texting while driving AS A JOKE.  So, Giant Baby Brother hears this and passes it on to Horse’s Ass who passes it on to Derwood who passes it on to a Psycho Mother who has no kid to (S)mother except for OVER THE PHONE.

For fuck sakes.

So, I tell Em that yes, I believe her and that I know in my heart that she would never do that.  I also tell her that her past untruthiness has also played a part in this mistrust I sometimes have of her.  Oh, and I also told her that we were sorry.  And she cried.  My baby is sick with the flu and I’ve yelled at her and feel like shit.

So, thanks for looking out for my kid, In-Laws.  How ’bout you don’t anymore, okay?  She gets in less shit on her own, thankyouverymuch.  Fecking gossiping mofos.

Oh, and to top this all off?  Like I don’t have enough issues to deal with?  I think my cat is making me itchy.  I don’t know if it’s his fall hair growth or dander or what but every time I come in contact with his fur, I end up itchier than a Polynesian Hooker with Crabs!  I never had issues with cats as a kid but I noticed after I became a Psycho Mother, cat hair sometimes makes me wonky with the itching.  Some dogs too.  So, in spite of the fact that I’ve had Kamir for months and months, I think it has something to do with the changing season hair thing.  Anyway, I’m keeping him but I’ve gotta get some sort of Antihistamine or something.  He did the funniest thing this morning after he pissed me off by waking me up at 4:30AM to go outside and then I fell back asleep and didn’t hear him until almost 6AM, he came into the house, ran into my room, raced me to the bed and then once I had crawled in, (because you didn’t think I’d let him beat me did you?!) he crawled in between the sheet and the blankets and warmed himself on my hotflashy stomach.  He’s such an opportunist!  Oh, and he still has his claws and has recently started sticking them into the dog when they wrestle, so that’s good for a laugh too since Tazzy is a relentless asshole.

Oh, and Em’s car is officially fixed. Phew.

I’m going to shower and try to make myself presentable because now I have to go out and drive to St. Isidore (wherever the fuck that is) so I can help pick the next leader of my country.

Peace.

Happy Turkey Weekend, peeps!  Well, as you know, (or maybe you don’t, how do I know what you know?!) it’s Thanksgiving Weekend here in Canerdia, and let me tell you this:  I love turkey sandwiches.

Em came home on Friday and got here around 2PM.  She was home for about a half hour before she decided she was going to go pick up her sister at school and stop at her former job and say hi to everyone.  *sigh* I wanted to hog her all to myself…and so did the dog.  He was pretty happy to see her!  He even slept with her Friday night.

So anyway, the girls came home, after stopping off and picking me up a bottle of Hochtaler, and we had our dinner.  I had spent the day slaving so it was nice to put my feet up and relax.  Dev called after supper and I chatted with her while I cleaned up my turkey covered kitchen and the girls watched a movie together (it’s their “thing”).  I joined the kids for some Guitar Hero and Kay said that apparently, I just need to stay drunk to be able to play because I was rocking it!   I wasn’t THAT drunk!  Anyway, we played some Tennis and then they wanted to play board games so I played Disney Trivia with them (and won!) which is amazing because these kids live and breathe the Disney Trivia shit.  Then we played a little Trivial Pursuit Totally 80s, which was fun.  Derwood missed all the fun as he was gone to work.

He came home in the morning and grabbed Em’s car and brought it to town for a new tire and an oil change, then he came home and crashed for a few hours.  I visited with Em and then we started chatting about her life.  It wasn’t long before I was lecturing and then she was pissed off…yeah, so not cool of me.  I made her a turkey sandwich and made her eat it before she left and then I took a garbage bag and cleaned the junk out of her car for her.  You have to take the bad with the good, I suppose.  Then she loaded up her stuff and after a brief freak out about losing her keys, she was off again and I was standing in the driveway waving goodbye.

I told Derwood it’s almost easier to have her gone because I am having a hard time not parenting her when I am with her.

So, I spent the rest of the day and evening loading songs from Derwood’s external hard drive onto my laptop.  See, he bought an external hard drive and then brought it to a friends’ house who loaded 30,000 songs on it!  So, I was song shopping last night and added almost 2000 songs to Johnny.  Of course, being the anal freak I am, I have to find all the artwork now and get all the album info because I want Johnny to be the purest form of musical love there is, but I digress.  It was a lovely distraction.  So was the wine headache I had ALL FUCKING DAY TOO!  Damn you Hochtaler!  (I almost puked when you mentioned it on Facebook, Susan! LOL!)

I gave Murphy a call last night too and again, we are going through similar issues with our kids, so it was nice to commiserate about that.  She is feeling much the same as I am although I have the luxury of not having to live with my college kid.  HAH!

I need to start my Christmas shopping.  I’m working on one gift but I really need to get cracking.  I also need to get my backsplash in too.

I woke up at 4:30 this morning with a cat claw in my ass so there you have it, the story of my life.

The family is getting together in GP today for Thanksgiving but we are not going because Derwood has one more night shift to do and I have to go to GP for Ortho on Thursday anyway, so whatever.  Plus, that’s why we took Grandpa out last week.  It would be nice to see everyone but I’m kind of over it today.  I’ve got some bad PMS happening and I’m thinking I might go back to bed for awhile.  I feel hivey and itchy too, I think it’s the cat.  He’s been super clingy to me ever since he spent the night in the spruce tree but I think now that he’s shedding and getting his winter coat, he is making me itchy with his hair and whatnot.  He’s “kneading” my ass cheek as I type this, something he never did until the Tree Incident.

Kamir, my little distraction.

Peace.

• My Bloglines thing keeps screwing up.  It’s not listing new blog posts, so I’ve added some links over to the left there on the bottom-ish because quite frankly, I thought it would be easy.  It wasn’t.  And then it looks all retarded like it does, since I don’t know shit about HTML.  So whatever, it is what it is.  If you don’t want your name there, then let me know and I’ll see if I can remember how I put it there and do the opposite.  LOL!
• Tonight, I check my Bloglines and now I have 84 updates to read.  Fucking bloody hell!!
• Yesterday I swept and blew leaves.  I didn’t compost anything or bag anything, I just blew it all into the forest.  Virtually all my trees are bare now.  *sigh*  The forest has a nice thick blanket of leaves in it though!
• I also hauled a couple of wagon fulls of wood into the basement.  I did this by climbing in and out of the window.  I’m too old to climb in and out of basement windows.
• A woodpecker was pecking on my house today.  Actually it was a pair of woodpeckers and it freaked me out more than alot.  My MIL had a thing about woodpeckers pecking on your house, it’s supposed to mean that someone in your family is going to die.  My kid is getting on the highway on Friday so I’ve put the fear of Jesus into her with the “Please be careful, I don’t want the woodpecker notice to be you.”  It will be like Celebrity Death Watch around here…
• Went to town today and bought a turkey and a ham.  There will just be the four of us, but I want to send some stuff home with Em.  I’m actually thinking of doing some cooking tomorrow too and making her some care packages.  I thought I would do this all week but we ended up eating things she hates all week, so that was a bust!  LOL!
• I think I’m catching a cold.
• I KNOW I have PMS.  I wonder how many weeks I’ll have it this month?!  Fucking perimenopause.
• I watched the debates last night.  I am enamored with the Obamas.  I love the guy, he’s like a cool glass of chocolate milk on a hot day.  (Or a cup of hot chocolate on a cold day, for us in Canada!)  He’s had a methodical, consistent approach to this entire campaign.  To me, he’s a real nose to the grindstone guy.  I can’t wait until he is the President!  I also love how he loves his wife and how she loves him.  They seem very authentic in their love.
• Derwood brought me home a new fleece jacket the other day.  It has the “Clam” logo on it.  I love that he gets these “Clam Bucks” for doing a good job at work, because then he goes shopping in the “Clam” store and gets all this company gear.  We’ve got more duffel bags, travel mugs, and water bottles than we can handle.  Bring on the fleece!
• I’m going to have a shower and then I’m going to bed.  Goodnight!

Peace.

Yesterday we went to GP.

Thanksgiving weekend is next weekend here in Canadaville and so the family usually gets together and has too much food and a big visit and whatnot.  Derwood is working next weekend and so is Em (even though she was supposed to take the weekend off and finally come home!) so we thought we’d squeeze in a visit yesterday and take Grandpa and Em out for lunch/dinner as sort of a pre-thanksgiving.  We asked Grandpa to choose the place.

We get up at 7-ish, all get ready and have breakfast and then we proceed to leave town around 9.  We get to GP just after 11 and Em meets us at Grandpa’s house.  When we get there, Grandpa looked awful.  He’d been dozing in his chair and was a little off kilter so we had some coffee with him and waited to see if he was going to be up to the day.  He said he was so we headed out with his portable oxygen tank and away we go.

We get to the restaurant he chose, East Side Mario’s (baddaboombaddabing) and get seated and get his jacket off and get him sitting properly on his chair, all the while, chatting with the girls and trying to hear what Grandpa was saying.  ESM’s is loud.  Anyway, he can’t read the menu.  His vision, thanks to the Parkinson’s and the meds, is whacked right out.  So, I start reading things out to him.  Well, he doesn’t like chicken and he doesn’t like pasta and doesn’t really remember why he liked this place but knows that he did.  So, we find a steak sandwich on the menu and he decides that’s what he wants.  So I order it for him.  We have the fresh bread and I cut it and butter it for him, I wipe the excess butter from his lip.  But it was in that moment of watching Derwood cut his dad’s steak into bite sized pieces that it occured to me that we are going backwards.

When we are babies, our parents take care of us.  Then we have the babies, we take care of them.  Once are babies are old enough to kind of take care of themselves, then we have to take care of our parents.  It was a full circle moment, and not one I was really ready or willing to have.

We finished our Lupper (as the kids call it) and we load Grandpa back into his truck, Derwood driving, me taking the kids in the car.  Derwood asked me to stop and pick something up for a friend of his (in Michael’s no less!) and we agreed to meet back at the house.  I got there a short time later and discovered that the boys still weren’t back so I sat and had a visit with the two girls who care for my Father In Law around the clock.  We were chatting about mundane stuff and one of them said how Kay’s hair is so shiny, so I told them all about when she was little she hated onions and refused to eat them.  So I told her that onions made your hair shiny and so she started to eat them all the time because she loved to have shiny hair!  Well, the girls got a kick out of how we Canadians lie to our kids and were totally laughing about Santa Claus.  (They are from the Phillipines.)  So, I’m telling them stories about Christmases past where we tricked our kids and they enjoyed the stories I think.  Then we started talking about Grandpa.  Apparently, he’s been having seizures.  J was telling me that the other night, he’d had one in bed.  Then she was telling me about another night where he was using the remote to smack a squirrel that he thought was in his bed.  I told her that that sounded par for the course as he has always had vivid, fanciful dreams where he’s got to fight someone or kill something.

She said “What?”

I said, “Well, he’s always had dreams like that!”  and proceeded to tell her about different times when he’s leapt out of bed and kicked holes in the walls or dived onto a night stand, thinking that he was in danger.  All while he was dreaming.

Well, those girls couldn’t believe it!  The more I talked, the more they seemed to put two and two together and it looked like some things were starting to make sense.  I can’t believe no one in this family wouldn’t have thought to tell them this shit, but I digress.

Derwood and Grandpa came home shortly after that and Grandpa was very woozy and out of sorts.  They had gone driving around, mostly because Grandpa never gets out and winter is right around the corner and he’ll be housebound soon even more than usual.  It seems his portable tank was crapping out so he wasn’t getting enough oxygen in spite of Derwood’s best efforts to pulse it out to him.  We visited with him and made sure he was okay before we left to go to Costco before it closed.

We had about 45 minutes before Em had to be at work.  She’s been complaining to me that the Tanorexic doesn’t ever have any food in her house (I was scared of this) and even though Em is paying room and board (which should cover food too) she’s been spending copious amounts of money on eating out.  So, I told her I’d take her to Costco and we’d get her some stuff she could bring home.  Well, Em was irritated at me for continually asking what she wanted, what she liked, do you want me to get you this?  So, fine.  I was irritated right back because we only had ten minutes left and she wasn’t helping me at all and she was wasting our little bit of time being pissy!

So, we hug and say goodbye and she kind of stomps off because that’s what teenage daughters do, and I’m standing in Costco and all I want to do is sit on the floor and cry.

I don’t though, I keep slogging along and end up putting things like one-bite brownies and pumpkin pie and Elton John CDs into my cart because I SHOP my emotions away.  Derwood and I talked about how hard this all is, being away from the ones we love, yet loving our life here in Peaceful Town.  We get home and it’s about 7:30PM and the dog is going ballistic and the cat wants in and the dog wants out but wants his mommy to pat him and praise him for being alone all day and not shitting or pissing all over the house.  We put everything away and then curl up in front of the big screen to watch Amazing Race.  Em calls.  She says she managed to get Friday off work so she is coming home Friday after school (she’s out before noon) and has to be back for Saturday afternoon to work, but my baby is coming home for 24 hours.

And for that, I am thankful.

Peace.

I’ve had a busy/not so busy week.  There’s been a lot of hurry up and wait going on around here.  Mostly because Derwood’s been on nights.  He gets home at about 7:45 every morning, just as Kay is walking out the door to catch the bus.  He might have breakfast (or he may have had it at work) and then he puts his jammies on and and goes to bed.  I spend the day keeping the critters quiet, answering the phone and trying not to sing along with Johnny too loudly.  He wakes up around 2 and is super goofy.  Like, SUPER GOOFY!  He’s normally a good natured guy (my polar opposite) but night shifts seem to put that personality defect into overdrive.  Needless to say, by the third day of this, I’m ready to kill him.  But I digress.  He’s on days off now for the weekend so that will be nice.  As long as he leaves the goofiness behind.

School pictures came in this week.  I begrudgingly stuffed some in an envelope to send to my parents and siblings.  No note.  It’s still sitting on the table.  This little effort seems almost too much for me to take.  I normally send them at Christmas but I’m hoping to send a family picture then to everyone.  Providing we get one taken.

I found out the other day that my husband has put in almost 500 hours of overtime this year, more than anyone at his plant.  No wonder I’m always feeling alone!  I asked him if it was to get away from me and he said no, he’s just greedy.  A greedy goof.  Yay me.

More leaves are on the lawn.  This drives me insane!  It’s like cracker crumbs on a carpet or something, I just want to clean it up!  Leaves are a long-standing annoyance of mine.  Go back to every October blog entry archive!

I think I have the basement done now.  Well, sort of.  I still need to move some boxes that are storing knick knacks and whatnots (and framed pictures that I cannot decide where to put) but other than that, I think it’s done.  I took the futon from “Murphy’s Room” and put it downstairs, so there’s the brown recliners (that are delicious!) and then the black microfibre futon.  I’m leaving it that way.  We’d thought about getting another loveseat or a hide-a-bed but seriously?  I have the BYOBed for the spare room (which incidentally houses my treadmill) and I have the futon and as long as Em is not here, I also have her bed too so fuck it.  I’m done buying furniture!  Derwood does want a little bar thing downstairs by his fooseball table but that’s it.  House decorating complete! (Except for details…)

The kids got their yearbooks from last year in.  I’ve been studying Kay’s like crazy since she talks about people and I’m all “Huh?”  Yearbooks are a blessing!

I’ve been watching Survivor but am afraid to comment because I KNOW JT doesn’t get caught up on the shows until the weekend so I don’t want to blow anything.  I sure don’t like that Ace fella though, he’s a douche nozzle.  (Thanks Sarah Silverman, I’ve been saying that all week!)

The other day, Murphy dropped a hint that she might come up this weekend.  Of course, that was the last thing she said about it, so I’m not expecting her to show up.  She would have texted me twenty eight times to talk about it if she was.  I was filled with dread at the prospect of her coming, so I’m relieved she hasn’t mentioned it again.

I chose to watch the VP Debates last night instead of my own countries’ debates.  Mostly for the LOLs.  Things I learned?  “Obiden” is more ready than Palin ever will be.  And I think her mother is her sister or something because if she’s not a product of inbreeding, I don’t know who else is.  Her whole “Gotcha” and “You know” and “Joe Six Pack” mentality is condescending and I know she is trying to charm the middle class but she is failing miserably, I think.  And then the whole “I tolerate the gays” thing, well, she wins the Douche Nozzle of the Year Award.  Matt Damon was right, it is like a bad Disney Movie.  (I can’t wait to see what Colbert and Stewart have to say about it!)

Anyway, my plan is to do some crafting this weekend starting today.  I’m going to throw on some comfy clothes and I’m going to have some breakfast and I’m going to work on some stuff.  Yesterday I went to town and stopped at my favorite store where they already have Christmas stuff out!  I bought a cream and sugar set that I’ve been coveting for some time but couldn’t justify spending 40 bucks on it, it’s not Christmassy it’s brushed metal.  I felt justifiable yesterday though and I’m glad I did because I love them!

Happy weekend people!

Peace.

Last night, I had a dream that Patricia had sent me an email entitled China Blue and my hotmail account picked up that it was a virus yet I clicked YES on the Do You Still Want To Open This prompt.  Then I had a virus.  So, I take my laptop to the basement and I google China Blue on Derwood’s computer and I find out that it’s like the WORST virus to get on your computer.  So, I’m looking at my laptop and all it’s doing is airing Chinese Television Programs all the time.  Like, I cannot even shut it down.  And I’m thinking “Well, aside from not being able to speak Chinese, this isn’t bad as far as viruses go!”

I woke up totally rattled.

I think it’s all the economic gloom and doom talk of late that has me all freaked out. And I went to bed thinking about Patricia.  I’m so transparent sometimes!  LOL!

Yesterday was a fucking gorgeous day!  I woke up with a desire to make a homemade version of One Bite Brownies by taking a brownie mix (from Costco!) and putting it in mini muffin tins.  Well, that didn’t work.  Hockey anyone?  I’ll bring the pucks.  The night before, I had made mini meatloafs in regular sized muffin cups.  I don’t know why but I’m in a Muffin Cup Stage or something.

I did a whack of laundry yesterday and tried to clean up the basement.  The woodstove makes a fucking mess (it’s so nice though!) but there’s little wood chips and bark flakes and ash and quite frankly, I need to assign someone to that area.  As temps approached the 20C mark, I said “Fuck it!” and went outside!  Derwood and Kay went quadding/dune buggying and I hopped on my garden tractor and mowed and swept up leaves and grass clippings.  (I have a yard sweeper that I pull behind on the tractor…I’m not out there with a frigging BROOM!)  It was glorious to be outside!  Today, it’s supposed to hit 24C and it is so beautiful and sunny out!

The good people at the Brick called this morning and said my recliners are in!  It’s like 12 days sooner than they promised so how much do you want to bet they aren’t the right ones?  LOL  Oh well, I’m tired of sitting on the floor so I’ll take whatever they give me.

Today marks the first day that the new National Do Not Call Registry is available to us Canadians.  Yes, I know, it’s very 1997 of us but fuck, we FINALLY have this service.  Not a moment too soon either because the last two weeks, the telemarketers have been fucking relentless!  Worse than ever!  I’ve been getting 7 or 8 calls A DAY starting at 7:30 in the morning and I don’t pick them up.  It’s totally annoying though, especially if Derwood is on nights because I have to get it then to stop the noise.  Anyway, I went on their website this morning to register and sure as shit it had crashed.  So, I surfed for awhile then I was reading on Yahoo news that their site has crashed, then I go back and voila!  I managed to get it through.  So, hopefully within the next month or so, those calls will cease.  If not, I’m taking company names down and I’m going to lawyer up! 

Yesterday, Taz was outside on his rope enjoying the day and the cat was out in the forest killing things.  The next thing you know, the cat comes skulking around the corner and he’s got a mouse in his yap.  Well, before I could get out there and stop him, Taz approaches the cat and TAKES THE MOUSE OUT OF HIS MOUTH AND SWALLOWS IT WHOLE!  I’m jerking on his rope and saying “Drop it!” and nothing.  He scarfs it down like a fucking cheesy poof!  I was hoping he’d barf it up later and then I’d have a damn good reason to take him to the pound and put him up for adoption.  Damn disgusting animals anyway!  I half expected to see a full mouse carcass in his poop this morning.  BLECH!

There was a Fox in our yard this morning.  He had his back leg pulled up and was hobbling along on three legs.  Kay was scared about walking to the bus stop.

It’s just another day in the wilderness!

Peace.

I thought I’d drop you a quick update since I’ve been all AWOL and everything.

• Got tiles ripped out.  Half of walls too.  Re-drywalled and mudded.  Need to sand.  Could barely hold coffee cup though so gonna take a short break.  Have a huge bruise on my knee from dropping a box of broken tile on it on the way to the dumpster.  Have a bruise on my hip from wacking it into the counter.  Sore elbows from slivers of tile.  Sore head from wacking into the range hood.  Good times.
• Went to GP to look for tin backsplash, ended up with 2″x2″ slate tiles instead and got in a huge argument with Derwood in the process.  Oddly enough, he thinks he should have a say in the decor of the kitchen.  I told him he could have a say when he started spending some more time in it cooking and cleaning.  I also told him that when he “decorates” the garage, I don’t go in there muddling about so he needs to follow suit.  Why can’t they ever have what I want anywhere?  Why do these things exist only in my imagination?
• Considered buying a sink there but found that the prices were similar to here.  So, yesterday went to buy a sink locally and was told they’d have to order the one I want.  “Come here and let me KICK YOU IN THE NUTS!”  I wanted to yell.  I didn’t.
• Derwood went back to work today.  After being home for five days.
• I was horny enough to bang an entire hockey team yesterday but settled on repeatedly molesting my husband.  This is the joy of having a hubby who works shiftwork.
• Talked with Dev on the phone last night.  I tell her the same stories I write on my blog, not really remembering what I’ve blogged about.  I wonder how long she’ll go before she yells out “GET SOME NEW MATERIAL BEEYOTCH!”
• Tried to build the cat a taller scratching post today since he’s outgrown the cheapy one I bought him at Walmart.  The one I built is a hazard though, unless I can find him a hardhat.  Back to the old drawing board!
• Convinced hubby to buy me the first five seasons of South Park on DVD yesterday.  Then we rang them through the self checkout.  We needed the clerk to authorize EACH ONE to verify that I was 18.  Give me a fucking break…it’s easier to buy crack than a South Park DVD!  (Both are addicting though!)
• My kid the adult got a tattoo on her ankle.  (She texted and asked for permission, I reminded her she is an adult)  It’s wings and a halo and a cloud (with her zodiac symbol) and it says in latin “She flies on her own wings”  Pretty cool, I think.
• Heading to GP again tomorrow to buy a fucking sink.  Kay has the day off so she is coming too and we will see Em and do a bit of shopping.  It will be nice to be with my girls.

I’m hoping to get my blog mojo back soon.  I feel a little lost about it lately, blog block perhaps?  Anyway, hope everyone is well…

Peace.

A fucking mood.  A fucking mood and a half.

I started the day yesterday with a wrong-sided hair part and my life has not been the same since.

I went to school to volunteer.  See, they needed someone to fit kids for these jackets they are ordering.  The kids try on the jackets and then pick a size and then tell me what they want embroidered on the jacket and give me a cheque and then they leave.  (Why is spell check underlining cheque?)  Anyway, I was a little nervous about going to the school because although I have tons of volunteer experience, it was in ONE school, not in THIS school, so I felt a little jittery but I pushed past it and yadda yadda it was relatively painless.

So after my volunteering, I ran over to Reitman’s (the only ladies clothing store in town) and browsed through their new stuff.  I picked up a pair of light brown cords, a thin red hooded sweater, and a t-shirt, everything was on sale and the t-shirt only cost me $3.50 so la-ti-da.  Then, I went to Mark’s Work Wearhouse in hopes to score some stripy long sleeved t-shirts because I have nothing to wear under my vests that I now seem to need because it’s colder than shit already.  (+4C always feels warmer in the spring than it does in the fall…)  Anyway, I bought a black one and a white one because the only stripy ones they had had either pink and purple or green and red.  Meh.  So whatever, I decided to stop off and see if I could get a same-day haircut and turns out I had to come back at 4:30 for that.

SO, I come home, browse through this short hairstyle magazine that I have and picked a look.  Well, I get there, show the girl and she says it’s her favorite cut and she’d love to do it yadda yadda yadda.  Well an hour later and I’ve got a cut and it’s styled but it really looks nothing like the picture, but I like it.  What I noticed though?  She was also one of those hairstylists that keep referring to the picture as if she was looking for directions on a map or cheating on a test or something.  Can no one in this town look at a picture, know what kind of cut it is and then just do it?  I haven’t tried to style it on my own yet, that will come soon and if I don’t look totally retarded, I’ll post a picture later on today.

Derwood went to Edmonton yesterday for the pre-season opener game against Vancouver.  Blah blah blah….whatever.  I fucking hate Hockey and HERE IT IS, SEPTEMBER AND I ALREADY HAVE TO DEAL WITH FUCKING HOCKEY!

Oh, and the countertop people called yesterday and my new countertop is in and ready to be installed.  Only I’m not ready to have it installed.  See, the other day, someone told me that it was close to being here but did he mention that he heard this a week ago?  Um, no he didn’t.  So, last night, after a haircut, dinner at BPs and then home to build a fire and make sure the kid got her homework done, I started trying to pull off the tiles.  Well, fuck me with a goddamn chainsaw, that was a fucking joke!  Not only is it seriously difficult to do it without putting a hole in the wall (which I have done, thanks!) but it’s even more difficult when you are doing it alone.  WHATEVER!

So, around 9PM I decide to quit with it for the night and I decide to go online and see all my peeps.  Well, fuck if the internet wasn’t down.  So, I call Derwood and I’m in a state and he’s just left the game so he’s  all happy and “Well, what do you want me to do about it?” so I spaz out on him and hang up, then I call my ISP and they say a cable has been damaged and it’s been down all day and should be up soon.  So, then I call Derwood back (who has smartly decided to not answer my call, letting it instead go to voicemail) and I leave him a message apologizing for being a total douchebag and explaining that I’ve had a bad day and I’m just going to bed.  In all actuality, I didn’t even have a bad day, I was just in a mindbender of a fucking bad mood.

So, I shower and go to bed.  Well, since it rained all day, the dog and cat slept all day.  The dog decided he was going to clickety click walk the halls all night and the cat decided he’d come curl up with me.  (I was surprised at this because he was all pie-eyed and looking like he was going to kill me in my sleep)  So, I wake up around three and can’t sleep.  So around four, I get up, check to see if the internet is working, and it is, and then bring the dog and the cat back to bed with me.  I had my bedroom window open because I love sleeping in a cold room!  When I woke up at six, the cat was sucked up against me on one side and the dog was sucked up against me on the other side.  I was in a cat/dog sandwich!  Oh well.  So, I go back to sleep (fuck this is booooorrrrrriiiiiiinnnnngggg!) and wake up just after seven to a fresh pot of coffee and a surly teenager.

I have to go back to school today for a bit but then I really need to come home and try to get these effing tiles off the damn wall.  Kay works tonight so when she gets home, I have to rush her back into town for work.  I tell you, it never ends.

And for the record?  The woodstove is the best money we’ve ever spent.

The sun is shining today so maybe that’s where my mood is stemming from.  It’s been cloudy for three damn days so maybe if this bitch sees a bit of sun, she’ll be in a better state of mind.

I’d better pick up a box of wine in town today, just in case I’m not.

Peace.

I’m turning over a new leaf.

I’m changing it up.

I’m causing a revolution!

What’s this innovative thing I’ve done that will inspire and delight?

I parted my hair on the left today, for the first time in my life.

Don’t tell ME people can’t change!

Peace.

I have a confession to make.

I love Pauly Shore.

I always have.  I know it’s not cool.  I know it’s not right.  I know it doesn’t even make sense but there’s something about him that I just love and I can’t really put it into words.

Last night, I built a fire and Kay and I sat on the floor (as I still don’t have any furniture downstairs) and we watched “Pauly Shore Is Dead.”  I had to make her plug her ears and cover her eyes a couple of times, but other than that, it was okay.  There were a lot of stars in it, LOTS of them and I thought it was a funny movie.  I asked Kay when it was over if she liked it because she was so serious the entire time.  She said she loved it and I was all “Really?” and she said “Yeah, it was funny!”

Um, so if it was so funny, why didn’t I hear you laughin’?

I’m a laugh out loud kind of person.  I guffaw.  I cackle.  I bark with the laughter.  This kid?  Barely cracked a smile.

Oy.

Anyoldwho, yesterday I tilled up my L flowerbed and planted my Narcissus bulbs. I hope they come up in the spring and I hope they are as lovely in person as they look on the bag.  I drained my rainbarrels too, since I’m scared it will freeze and they will crack.  I exerted so much trying to tip the full one over that I caused my period to finally start.  Now that you have THAT image in your head…

I need to get my yardwork done today since it’s supposed to rain tomorrow.  It’s supposed to be 19C today and sunny, so it would be a good day to be outside.  I want to re-till the garden and burn a brush pile, which Derwood says I can burn it right where it is, no need to move everything to the firepit.  Hmmm this makes me kind of nervous but whatever, I’ll string the hose out there in case it gets out of hand.

I talked to Dev last night…both of us are feeling like we should have stayed gone.  HAH!  She is going ziplining today, so I’m keeping a good thought for her that she doesn’t shit herself on the adventure!

Gave the dog a bath last night.  Then I brushed about three pounds of hair off him.  He curled up downstairs and fell asleep, so I went upstairs and had a shower.  Derwood was in bed with the cat when I came out.  So, I sat on my laptop for a bit then I went to bed.  I’m all trying to be a ninja and what do I do?  Step on the dog who yelps/growls in his Tazmanian fashion, I yell out, then Derwood and the cat both woke with a start.  See, the dog hasn’t slept on his bed in our room since we got the cat.  Seriously.  He’s spent the last two nights there.  I don’t know what clicked in his head, but I think my going away made a difference.  Also, the cat, who has never been very affectionate, has been really cuddly with me since he spent the night in the tree.  Animals are like kids only less obvious with the whole “I only love you when it benefits me” thing.  HA!

OH!  The school called!  One of the teachers asked if I could come in on Monday and help size the kids for school jackets.  Of course I said I would!  I asked Kay if she wanted one and she just gave me this frosty look and said no.  This kid is going to drive me around the bend.

Anyway, have a great day!

Peace.

Seriously.

• Went to GP for Ortho on Wednesday.  Kay’s braces will be off on November 10th.  I got to talk to Dr. McFuckMe and it was all good, I hardly drooled on myself at all.  I’m going to take a picture of him with her on the day she gets them off.  Seriously.  If y’all make a donation to my favorite charity, I’ll post his picture here.  My favorite charity is Me.  What?  Did you think I was chaneling Angelina Jolie for a minute?
• I got a new nephew yesterday.  Horseface finally calved!  Or foaled I guess.  She was almost a week overdue.  He weighed 7 lbs. 15 ozs.  She gained 60 lbs.  We might have to put a saddle on her and walk her around the yard.  (*Sing-song voice*: I’m going to helllllll….)
• Read my kid’s diary yesterday.  Had 28 panic attacks and felt like going on a killing spree.  When will I learn?  Would you read your kids’ diary?  Seriously.  I’m askin’.  I don’t have a problem with it, morally speaking, but it sure wreaks havoc on my digestive system.
• Derwood went dune buggy shopping while I was gone.  Yeah.  So Tuesday, he goes to pick up the dune buggy.  We went for a ride, Derwood on the quad and Kay behind the wheel of the dune buggy.  Me?  I was sitting in the passenger seat pissing my pants.  What a rough ride!  And a really bad place to get the giggles!  We had fun!  We are planning on carving a track/trail through the bush around our property someday.  There’s lots of places to go though right now, there are trails everywhere around here.  Since I am directionally challenged, I am leery of setting out on my own though.
• Went to Costco in GP the other day.  Did not buy cinnamon twists and did not buy one bite brownies.  Did buy Christmas cards though.  And did buy a case of Starbucks Frappuccinos.  Held off on the three hundred dollar five foot tall Santa.
• My biggest pet peeve about Costco is that you get used to buying something and then you go there and they don’t have it anymore.  Case in point: Olives and feta in oil, Coldwater Tide (it’s hit and miss), DOVE shampoo and conditioner, fuzzy blankets for 19 bucks.  That’s just the things I was looking for the other day.  Who knows what else I’m missing.
• Have not been on the treadmill in one whole week.
• Am still waiting for my period to really start.
• Am almost in the work stage for a Christmas present for someone special.  And no, Kevin, you retard, it’s not you.  LOL!
• I’ve been watching the leaves change colors almost too fast!  Many of my apples on my apple tree froze.  Yes, FROZE!  I put them in a couple of piles for the deer.  Every time they come in the yard though, Tazzy blows a fit and scares them off.
• Derwood was frying his eggs the other day and then set the spatula down on the stovetop.  It’s a glass top stove and he forgot it was hot?  Needless to say, it was quite a mess.  Yesterday, I went to town to replace the spatula.  It cost Derwood about $150 for that spatula!  (I went down the craft aisle…)
• I bought Kay a new winter coat the other day.  She wore it this morning.  It was 7C out this morning but there’s a cold wind coming right off the Alaska pipeline or something and it’s fucking chilly this morning!
• My feet are icy yet I keep having hot flashes.  If I was still flexible, I’d put my feet on my chest and cool myself off.
• I should have called Kamir TWEAKER.  That’s what he looks like when he is in the house.  I just watched him stalk across the yard in hopes of catching a bird.  He missed for once!  I see there is a blob of feathers on the newly cleaned window.  Damn birds!
• I went into the school yesterday to let them know if they need a hand with anything, I am more than willing to come in.  They offered to have me come in as a TA.  Um, I explained that I am borderline retarded and shouldn’t be allowed to work with children, that really my strengths are photocopying and stuff like that.  They offered to have me come in the office.  Hey, I’ll take what I can get, especially if it makes my kid squeamish.
• My guy Dan won Big Brother 10!  WOOHOO!  I know some of y’all hated him, thought he was smarmy, but I loved him.  I like the way he played.  If I was in that house, I’d have been charmed.  Well, either that or I’d have killed him.  Depending on the time of the month…Survivor starts September 25th!  Set your PVRs and your TIVOs.

Okay, I’m going to see if I can find a pair of pants that still fit.  And some socks.  Brrrr.

Peace.

I’m back from our whirlwind trip to Jasper National Park.  For those of you who’ve never been, well, you should put it on your list of things to do before you die.  For those of you who have, you’ll know why I’m so tired and my neck hurts from looking at all the pretty.

But I almost didn’t make it.

Now, those who know me longtime know that I am NOT a traveler.  Like, totally not.  I want to be one, but I just get so anxious and nervous and stupid and whatever, that I end up with the runs and I feel nauseated and the whole dramatic bit.  This time, I was fine prior to leaving.  No anxiety.  No diarrhea.  No nauseous feelings.  What?  So, I headed out Friday morning and I was little Miss Traveling Girl.

Until I got 25 kilometres from town.  Peaceful Town.  My heart started racing.  My palms got sweaty.  I thought “I should call someone!”  I couldn’t call Derwood though, he’d be disappointed.  I couldn’t call Murphy, she was at work.  I couldn’t call Devo and cancel because she was already (supposedly) on the road.  So, I started to cry.  I should have gone to the doctor and gotten some Ativan.  I should have never booked this trip.  I should have flown Devo to come and see me instead.  I looked in the rear view mirror at my pitiful self and then I realized I was crippling my Self with my negative self talk.  So, I snorted back my snot and I said to my Self “It doesn’t matter if you have to cry the entire way there, you need to do this.  You’re going!”

And so I did.

My heart rate slowed, my sweat evaporated, I stopped crying. I kept kind of looking over my shoulder the rest of the five hour drive there, waiting for the feelings to come back but they never did!  I, for the first time ever, talked myself OUT of it as quickly as I talked myself INTO it.  W00T me!

So, long drive later, I get to Jasper and check in to our cabin.  It was “rustic” and smelled a little musty, but the anal planner in me brought candles so I sparked one up and waited for Devo.  It had just rained and hailed so the air was heavy with mist and moist and you couldn’t even see that we were surrounded by mountains, so we went to the room and visited and then grabbed an early dinner because that’s what fogeys do!  We ordered fish and seafood, I had the Salmon with Cucumber Dill Sauce and Devo had the Shrimp and Scallop dinner.  We each had a glass of wine.  The food was delicious and we both said we should have taken a picture before we ravaged our plates because we thought Torn (and all the other blogger foodies) would have approved of the presentation and such.  We shared dessert and gabbed non-stop the entire time.  We were both kind of stuffed after eating so we went for a little walk on the trails nearby and just tried to avoid having a slip and fall (my new favorite saying thanks to Dev) because the ground was fairly wet and slick.  Dev was walking ahead of me on the trail and I noticed her pocket on her jeans were strangely familiar.  I lean back and look at my own ass and sure as god made little green apples, we were wearing the same jeans!  Oh, we laughed!

We went back to the lodge and went to the family games room, ordered a couple of beer, and played some pool.  Then, we decided to have a game of ping pong, since I had never played in my life.  We were howling with laughter and knocking that damn ping pong ball all over, it was rather hilarious.  Then, Dev dented the hell out of it with one of her awesome retrievals, hands it to me and says “Mommy, will you fix this!”  So, I rubbed the dent out of her ball, not something I’d do for just ANYONE!

We got some beers and headed back to our cabin and we curled up in the chairs and made videos of us chatting.  At some point, I hope to get it edited into some coherent, amusing kind of a thing but I don’t even have my pictures all uploaded yet, so be patient.  Anyway, we were up until one or so then hit the sheets.  Our plan was to get up in the morning and go do some sightseeing.

I get up early and make the WORST pot of coffee I’ve ever made in my life, trying to let Dev sleep in a bit since she seemed to need it.  Oh, did I mention how cold it was?  Yeah, our cabin had no heat save for this little portable heater that seemed like a goddamn firetrap to me, so I turned the burner on on the stove and heated the place up a bit. We got ready for the day and headed down to the restaurant for breakfast and they had a buffet so that was good, all the bacon you can slide onto your plate and PASTRIES too!  Then we headed into the Jasper townsite.  Stopping along the way to take pictures…

While I had waited for Dev to get up, I was browsing through a tourism paper and noticed that there was a lot of Patricia places…Patricia Circle, Patricia Street, Patricia Lake.  I only have one Patricia in my life so I wanted to get some pics.  So, we started with the signs and then we decided to take a drive to Patricia Lake.  Well, this was the best part of our trip because WE FOUND OUR DESTINATION FOR NEXT TIME!!!!

The bungalows and cabins there are nestled in the trees and they are right next to this serene lake.  We talked it out and thought it would be a great place to bring our families.  Then the more we talked about it, we were all “Fuck them, this would be a great retreat for US!”  So, we are going to plan a Spring Fling for May for the two of us.  W00T us!  (And thank you Patricia, for being the inspiration for us to go on our Patrica Quest!)

We went back into town and we literally walked for six hours.  In and out of shops and boutiques and stores, up and down every street in Jasper.  It. Was. FUN!  We laughed and tried on hats and looked at things that we normally wouldn’t have time to look at if we were with our families.  We stopped for lunch at the Bears Paw Cafe and had the most awesome pasta salad (loaded with dill) and chicken sandwich (called the Chicken Little and it was slathered in Pesto!) and it was just enough to keep us going.  We bought fudge in a jewelery store, we laughed at a snot comparison chart on the back of a package of novelty candy, we flirted with a cute salesman in a clothing store (he had a weird toe fungus thing which I picked up on right away as he was wearing sandals and I am a toe looker!)  Anyway, we just had a great old time!  We went to the tourist information booth and asked the very rugged guy behind the counter who Patricia was and why is so much named after her and we discovered that it was PRINCESS Patricia, daughter of Queen Victoria, so la-ti-da the mystery was solved!  We checked out the library that once was the jail when Jasper was first settled, and found it to be charming and cute.

Eventually, we headed back to the Cabins and went for dinner.  Dev ordered the Prime Rib and I ordered the Beef Tornado and it seriously sounded like the orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally because I groaned and moaned at every bite!  We went back to the room and Dev called her family (on her cell as we had no phone, no internet!) and then we had a drink and went to bed, both of us exhausted after our long day.

We woke up on Sunday morning and Dev said “I can’t believe we have to go home today!” and I almost started bawling.  We got all packed up, loaded up our cars, and went to the lodge to check out, buy matching vests and go have brunch thinking that there would be another buffet.  We were SOL on that count, but we ordered club sandwiches (for the breakfasty bacon) and we ate and chatted until almost one o’clock.  Then it was time to say goodbye and we were hugging and sobbing and then Dev said to me, “You are better than a sister!”  And I lost it.  I feel the same way.  Better than a sister is the best you can be.  There’s all the love and the history of a life lived together without all the poison of family crap clogging up your heart.

I cried to Hinton and then figured I’d better get my shit together, in the event that I took a wrong turn or hit a deer or developed an intense snot headache.

Plus, it was a long way to home.

We both got home within fifteen minutes of each other, so meeting in the Park is the perfect halfway spot.  Plus, everyone is a tourist in Jasper, so it doesn’t matter if you’re walking around with your yap hanging open and taking pictures of everything.  That’s just what everyone does there!  And we will be doing it again.  In May. Here:

Peace.

• It’s six AM.  I have been up for a couple of hours already.  I have achy legs.  And lower back pain.  And light cramps.  Whatever.  I’ve been yelling at the dog for three days so y’all know what that means.

• Yesterday, I spent the day washing my damn dirty windows.  See, I had this theory in the Spring that if I didn’t spring clean my windows, less birds would be harmed by crashing into them.  Well, it sort of worked.  We only had birds hit the window twice this spring/summer.  But the bird population still took a hit because Kamir killed tons of the fucking things and then left them all over the yard.  What can you do, it’s the circle of life.

• Is anyone else watching “America’s Got Talent”???  Last night, the little four year old, Kaitlyn Maher, sang Beauty and the Beast.  I fucking bawled like she was my own child!  She was so sweet and so cute, well, I had a total breakdown!  I look over at Derwood and he’s all misty too!  We are so cool!  I gotta say this though, that fucking David Hasselhoff makes us laugh every single time he opens his mouth.  Mostly it’s his wonky teeth, but the shit he says? Derwood was mocking him saying “Don’t you know me?  I’m the Night Rider!”

• I have a lot of shit to do today before I leave for JASPER Friday morning!  I have to take the car to town and get an oil change and I need to wash the 800 pounds of mud off it.  Did I tell y’all that they are planning on doing this innovative quasi-paving job on our road?  Yeah, next year!  WOOHOO!  It will only be a 1/4 of a mile of gravel then before it’s this lower maintenance paved stuff.  It’s not actual asphalt they use, it’s some other road treatment that is supposed to make it like a paved road.  Don’t ask me the details, I read about it in the local newspaper and quite frankly got so excited, I whipped through it.

• Oh and I have to pack.  And I have to bath the dog because he stinks.  And I need to swiffer and mop.  If I leave the house clean before I leave then the chances of it being clean when I return are higher.  Derwood and I have some banking to do too, so that ought to be a time suck.  It’s picture day at school and Kay wants me to curl her hair for her.  The kid never has curled hair…the picture is going to look weird.

• I finished my book, it was good.

• I mowed the lawn yesterday, for probably the last time this year.  My grass if finally green and sort of lush just in time for the geese to be frigging leaving!  Typical!

• Em and Lancelot broke up.  Good.  She doesn’t need the distraction…she has her hands full with school and work and trying to be a grown up.

• I don’t know if the cabins we are staying at have wireless, if they do, I’ll check in if I can.  If not, I’ll probably put something up on Monday…unless my camera gets confiscated as evidence!  LOL!  Have a great weekend everyone and I’ll be thinking of y’all!  Unless I get blind drunk and can’t think at all!

Peace.

Today marks six months and three days since I’ve spoken to my mother.  This is the longest I’ve gone in my life without speaking to her.  (I’m not really counting, but went back in blog entries to see when the last time I spoke with her was because I am anal.)  So, you’d think I’d feel bad about this.  You’d think I’d feel guilty.  The thing of it is, I don’t.  I don’t feel bad or guilty.  I mean, deep down in my psyche, there is probably a shimmer of longing for a mother, but day to day?  Nope.  Not so much.  I don’t think this makes me a bad person, I think it makes me a person who is trying to cope and preserve her own self.  What can you do otherwise?  Continue to sit back and let someone treat you like a stranger in your own family?  Um, no thanks.  I’ll just BE that stranger and you can just pretend we’ve never met.  Carry on.

During my childhood, I always saw my mother as a woman whose life was bogged down with the burden of being married to an alcoholic who refused to grow up in spite of having four children.  As a budding adult, my motivation was to get the fuck out of there and start a life for myself.  I’d had a taste of freedom by being gone that summer after graduation and freedom tasted sweet.  I had no question in my mind that I could take care of myself.  And I did.  I had my eyes peeled for someone “good” and when I met Derwood, I knew that “good” existed and I knew that I deserved it.  Thank god I had my damn wits about me because I feel like he was the Prince on the white horse taking me out of there, rescuing me.  This makes me feel bad because I don’t want anyone to ever have the impression that I used him to escape.  I guess if I’d have only stayed with him a short while, people might have assumed that but since I’ve committed the better half of my life so far to building a life with him kind of puts that theory to rest, I suppose.

When I moved up here, so far from family, I missed them and I felt guilty for leaving.  I overcompensated by calling almost daily to my mom and my two sisters.  I wanted all of them to feel like they were a part of my life even though my life was so far away.  I wanted them to know me.

Long distance relationships don’t work.  Especially when one person is doing all the hustle.  I mean, they work for awhile but eventually someone gets tired of being the doormat and steps off.

The death of my Aunt Daisy last year put things in perspective for me.  It’s when I detached myself from my family.  As her illness grew worse, my mother’s inability to reach out to her dying sister and make amends made it more than clear to me what kind of person she is.  I felt that if she was that rigid with her own sister, she could just as easily cut the ties to her own daughter as well.  Turns out, I was right.  The moment I stopped trying with my mom, that was the moment it all stopped. It would seem like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it?

I know relationships have a give and take but the one I had with my family was all very one sided.  Of course, they would probably say the same thing about me because in these sort of situations, it’s never me, it’s you, right?  I don’t deny that I have as big of a part in this estrangement as they do.  I admit that and I accept responsibility for it, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let them back into my life.  My side of the estrangement is one of self-preservation and that’s the route I’m taking.

I still send pictures of the kids but that’s it.  That’s still more than I get, I haven’t seen a picture of my niece or my nephew in probably two years.  Em is an adult now and can do what she likes in regards to them.  She’s added them all as friends on Facebook and was hurt when she found out that my sister has recently remarried without so much as a word.  (We’d actually heard through a distant cousin that she was getting married this summer but had no idea when.)  I sent a card when I found out and I can’t afford to be bitter about this because I chose it, but my daughter made a comment to my sister about it and hasn’t heard anything since.  She was very bent out of shape about it and I said “I’m sorry honey, but that’s who they are.  Believe it.”  It’s all I can say.  She’ll learn.

I walked away from my family a year ago but in reality, I walked away from them long ago.

Peace.

• My 17-year old neice had her baby on Friday, five weeks early.  My neice had toxemia and high blood pressure so they had to do an emergency c-section.  The baby is less than four pounds.  A little girl.  It was kind of a scary thing.  So far, everything is okay but you never know.  This is why kids shouldn’t have kids.  It’s too scary.
• My SIL “Horseface” is due this Friday.  She has gained 60 lbs. and is expected to have an almost nine pound baby.  This will be her second child and she’s hoping for a girl.  She has a four year old boy already who is spoiled rotten, so this ought to be interesting.  :)  60 pounds is going to take a long time to come off.
• For those of you who felt guilty or weird watching the Retarded Policeman clip, please know that he is an actor.  I mean, he’s got Down’s Syndrome (he’s not THAT good of an actor!) but he knows what he’s doing.  He has a couple of response clips explaining this on You Tube.  I think the kid is funny!
• Kay got her second paycheque and magically, she stopped bitching about work this weekend!  It’s funny how almost three hundred dollars in a kids’ possession will tone the attitude right down!
• Derwood came home yesterday from the city.  He had a good time but was happy to be home.  His precious Eskies lost.  Boohoo.
• Talked to Devo Saturday night!  God, I love this girl!  There is just something to be said for being friends with someone who’s known you since you’re twelve!  And she’s so sweet and precious and I cannot WAIT to see her in four more sleeps!
• It’s grey and cloudy with rain speckles off and on here today.  I was awake at 3 AM.  Then I went back to bed at 6.  Then I fell asleep at 6:20 only to have to wake up again at 7.  I got up at 7:25 and went back to bed at 9:00 and slept until 10:30.  Needless to say, I’m all fucked up.  And I haven’t pooped.  I’m a hot mess.
• I worked out on Saturday and when I got to the 30 minute mark, I almost hopped off the treadmill.  So I clicked the iPod to find a good song and managed to push through.  At the 52 minute mark, I was crying.  I was having one of those runner’s high things.  It was kind of surreal and I almost didn’t get off the treadmill, it felt so good!  I got over that in a real hurry though.
• Big Brother?  Love, LOVE, TRIPLE-LOVE Dan!!!  Like LOVE HIM!  If I hear Jerry say “Keesha baby” one more time, I think I will burst into flames.
• Talked to Em on the phone yesterday briefly.  She started her new job yesterday.  God, I miss her.  I’m loving the new Kay though, that kid has totally changed personality since her sister has been gone.  It’s amazing and wild to me.  And Kay has a new boyfriend…the same boy that broke up with her last year.  He’s totally cute and a real charmer.  Em saw Stinky at College the other day.  She said his voice got really high.  I said he was probably nervous and she said it was awkward seeing him.  I told her his voice always was kind of high and she said “Love is blind obviously!”  I laughed.
• I’m reading a book that was written by the guy who wrote RED LEAVES, it’s called The Cloud of Unknowing.  It’s pretty good.  It’s making me anxious though.  It’s kind of suspenseful.  Muuuaaahhh!
• The leaves are turning slowly but the underbrush is fiery red and orange!  I heard geese leaving again this morning.  All you city-dwellers might not notice it so much but out here, you can hear a goose honk a mile away!  The Farmer’s Almanac says it’s going to be a long hard winter.  Fuck.  Is there any other kind in northern Alberta?!
• I feel lazy today. It’s 1PM and I’m still in my jammies having not accomplished one fucking thing today.  Except this post and that’s not much to brag about.

Peace.

This is an episode of Retarded Policeman. There are 18 of them so far and I urge you, beg you, implore you to go watch! This episode features Wil “Hot Lips” Wheaton but each episode features someone new. Lots of YouTube references and “stars”. It’s my new favorite thing!!

Peace.

So, I’ve had an interesting week, starting with our Anniversary and school starting, then having the cat stuck in a tree and covered in sap.  Then it kind of bounced along from there.  Forms to sign from the school, cheques to write for this, that and the other.  Night Shift, Big Brother, getting up early again to see the kid off to school.  Yard work, stacking wood, making Clarinet repair appointments, installing a blower on the wood stove, missing my college kid.  Not real heady stuff, is it?

Yesterday was Em’s first day of classes.  I texted her in the afternoon to see how it went and she said it was fine although one older lady (she said she was older than me and actually called her OLD) is in her class and didn’t even know how to turn on the computer.  Em was blown away…I explained that everyone starts somewhere and college is not like high school where you are sitting with people your own age etc.  She told me that my BIL, the Tanorexic’s hubby, was pissed off at her yesterday because she locked the door when she left.  That kind of made me laugh because normally one would be pissed off if the kid DIDN’T lock the door, but this guy is a retard so whatever.  Anyway, I told her to talk to him about it because it’s not good to have things fester and she was all cranky and said she had a headache and was going to bed.  When she texts me at night to say goodnight, she always says “Goodnight Mommy” which, as you may remember, my kids have NEVER called me.  They’ve always called me mama or mom but never Mommy.  This shows me that she needs a little bit of nurturing, so I’ve been trying to be giving to her.  This is all through Text Messaging because I’m not going to be calling her all the time and giving the family another excuse to mock me and my inability to let go of my children.  :)  Plus, it’s instant and it’s how all the cool parents talk to their kids nowadays LOL!

Yesterday, I woke up with what I thought was a case of Listeriosis!  I was crapping, clutching my gut and praying for God to smite me because I just felt SO GROSS.  You want to know what my initial instinct was?  I told myself I should call and cancel my reservation for the “Fabulous Fucking 40″ trip that Dev and I are going on next week.  I KNOW what you’re thinking because I was thinking it too…”Don’t be so fucking STUPID!”  I mean, I instantly, INSTANTLY had this negative self-talk thing going on and tried to talk myself out of something I really want to do.  But then I CALLED MYSELF ON MY OWN SHIT and told myself I was being melodramatic because really, I have no one else around me to tell me this shit, and I was just feeling gross and wanted to be all fancy about it.  I’m thinking I’m making progress in my panic situations because two years ago, I would have called and canceled, it’s just that simple.  I’m not going to though.  I’m going.  To Jasper.  With Dev.  Because I want to be Fabulously Forty not FEARFULLY FORTY and FUCK IT because I always get what I want.  We are NOT going hiking though, bitch, because it is fucking bear season and I am not sure I can outrun you.

So, that being said, I still feel kind of yukky today.  But GET THIS, I talked with Derwood and Kay yesterday and THEY FEEL GROSS TOO, so I think it’s something we ate.  Which then led me to the Listeriosis self diagnosis thing because we all ate these cheese filled smokies the night before last and although they were yummy (in a gross artery clogging kind of way) they were probably tainted or something.  We’re all still eating and stuff and only two thirds of us have the shits (Kay wouldn’t tell us what her bowels were doing so I’m assuming she doesn’t have them) but we’ve all had this minor lower gut heaviness so there ya have it.  We’re all going to die.

I’ve been consuming copious amounts of Internet News about the DNC and the RNC and I’ve been reading transcripts and watching speeches and I’m going to say this to my American Friends:

Pick the person you believe in and FOCUS on them.  Don’t focus on the one you DON’T want to win, focus on the one that you WANT to win.  That’s where your energy should go.  Where you send your energy is where you will be…that’s why y’all have a retard in office right now, you were all so worried about getting him for a second term last time, you sent him right there with all your energy.  Try something different.  Mix it up a little.  My good friend, The Blohio Retard posted a link the other day and I’ve listened to it and linked it because I firmly believe it’s Truth. Give it a listen or don’t, it’s up to you.

So, Derwood is gone to Edmonton this morning to go watch his precious Eskimos in the Labour Day Rematch game tonight.  Kay is at school and has to work tonight so I’m alone, Alone, ALONE.  Except for my smelly dog and my still sticky cat.  I wish I had a friend who could come over and hang out with me.  Ah, on second thought, then I’d have to clean up and put on a bra and that, my dears, feels like too much work.

I didn’t work out yesterday.  Well, you wouldn’t have either if it felt like your large intestine was going to fall out of your anus, which is how I felt, but I did do some stuff.  I whippersnipped the yard, which was fun, then I stacked wood that Derwood had cut up with his power saw.  So whatever. I was moving.  I still feel guilty though.  I’ll get over it.

I’m sorry I am so dull.

Peace.

• Today was our 19th Wedding Anniversary.  We didn’t even exchange cards!  I was too busy celebrating THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!  My celebration was short-lived…
• The cat didn’t come in last night, which isn’t super odd when it’s a warm night.  I woke up this morning thinking “Oh oh, that little bugger didn’t come home!”  When Derwood got home from work, he took a stroll out in the bush and although he could hear him, couldn’t see him.  Hmmmmm.  So, I worked out, had a shower and then decided to go cat hunting.
• Found the cat.  He was about 50 feet in the air.  Well, not in the air, in a tree.  A big old spruce tree.  In the middle of the bear/deer/coyote filled forest.  So picture me at the base of this tree, shaking a container full of cat treats and saying “Come here Kamir baby” for about a half hour.  Then I heard a voice, “Um, did you lose something?”  I shit my pants.
• Met my neighbor who lives to the south of us.  I can’t remember his name though because I was in crisis mode when I met him, freaking because the damn cat kept going out on a limb instead of down a tree.
• Discovered neighbor is completely insane as he went home, got an extension ladder, climbed it and rescued my cat!  I told Kamir he had to kill mice at his house now too!
• Cat is covered in sap.  COVERED.  He smells like Christmas.  Or as Kay said “He is Pine Fresh Scented!”  He’s been pretty sacked out since his adventure.  He was gone almost 24 hours!
• It was the first day of school for Kay.  She had a good day!  I’ve noticed that she opens up a lot more now that Em is gone.  I asked her about it tonight and she said she always felt overshadowed by her big sister and all her after school stories.  I told her that I’m happy she has my undivided attention now.  Now if I can just keep all her stories and friends straight in my head.  I may have to draw up a chart or something…
• I added an old high school acquaintance to my Facebook today.  She married this guy I went out with in like grade nine.  They are still together and have been since high school.  Seeing his picture made me ask myself this question.  “WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DUMP HIM, STUPID?!”  He’s frigging adorable STILL and I bet he still smells good too.  Damn!
• Em has a couple of job interviews lined up for this week, which is good.  Both are near to where she is living/going to school, so that’s awesome!  I hope she gets something soon.
• Derwood is still Atkins-ing.  He’s lost almost 20 pounds.  He’s looking very svelte. I’m still eating carbs but not as many as I was.  I burn a lot more calories in a day though, jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle and blowing off steam. HAHAHAHAHAH!
• So I walked/ran on the treadmill again today.  I’m doing it every second day and making weekends optional.  I’m trying not to push myself but not letting myself off the hook either.  Today, I was walking at 3.7 MPH at a 6.0 incline for an hour, running when it felt good but only lasting about a minute each time.  My knees hurt too much when I run but I figure that might ease up the stronger I get.  I was having a hard time hitting my stride today because my iPod was all over the fucking map!  I mean, no matter how hard I try, I cannot run to Linda Eder!  LOL!

Peace.

At least I know one of you drunkards is on the ball!!

I needed a change and so there I am in all my tractoring glory!

We went to GP yesterday and saw the kid who left us.  She had a bit of a crisis on Friday and called us.  She can’t get her wireless to work at her aunt’s house so she is without internet.  AND she dropped her cell phone in a puddle and now it won’t work.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

So, I give her advice on what to do but it doesn’t seem like enough and she is kind of huffy and I say “Well, Em, what do you want me to say?  You can’t afford another phone and the plans are just a rip off so I guess you’re going to have to tough it out and see if your phone will dry out enough and be fine!”  She says, and I quote:

“I don’t know why I called YOU!”

I said “Here, talk to your father!”

(I’m enjoying myself at this point!)

He tells her exactly what I told her and then handed me back the phone.

Yesterday she informs us that she took her phone into a Telus store and they checked it for water damage and said there was none so she put a deposit down on a loaner phone and they transfered her numbers onto the loaner and voila, they are sending it out.  The phone is only three months old and she paid almost three hundred bucks for it!  So, she solved it herself.  Crisis averted.

We just laughed at her.  She texted me all the way home.  She misses us, I think.  It’s okay.  We miss her too.  But you know what?  After 18 years with that kid under my roof, I’m finally caught up on the laundry and she’s only been gone for four days.  She texted me first today too.  That’s progress people!

Peace.

So a few posts ago, I asked y’all your opinion of the Best Album Ever was and I got some interesting responses!  (For those that BOTHERED to respond…but I digress!)

Anyway, I’ve given this some thought.  Much thought, actually.  Much more thought than it probably deserves.

It’s kept me up at night.

I mean, really kept me up.

I want my choice to be THE CHOICE.  The Best Album EVER is a pretty big statement.  I mean, if I pick the wrong one, the earth could tilt too far to the left and we’d all fall off the planet!  Maybe I should break it down in categories.  Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.

The Best Album From My CHILDHOOD:  The Beatles: 1962-1966 (The Red Album)

The Best Album From My TEEN YEARS: Prince: Purple Rain

The Best Album of the 90’s: Alanis Morissette: Jagged Little Pill I seriously debated on Hootie and the Blowfish here.

The Best Album of My Adult Life: Fleetwood Mac: The Dance

The Best Album of My Greatest Hits Albums: Collective Soul: 7even Year Itch

The Best Live Album - I had to break this down even further
Rock: Heart: The Road Home
Country: Garth Brooks: Double Live

See, I totally suck at this.  It’s like choosing your favorite chocolate bar or your favorite kind of orgasm.  THEY’RE ALL THE BEST!

Peace.

Here’s a couple of snaps for y’all.  This is me, in my Peace t-shirt brushing furniture stripper onto the desk that we inherited.  You’ll notice the desk was ugly.  Yeah, I said it.  Ugly.  You might not notice that in spite of the furniture stripper, I had to sand this desk for 137 hours, approximately.


This is a picture for t2ed (or as I like to call him, TITO!) it is of my new chimney!  It’s a Canadian Chimney.  LOL!  I can’t wait to get it all sooty and hot.  Wait a minute, that sounded dirty.

Finally, here is a picture of my newly restored inherited desk.  It’s not black but it’s like a brown/black.  The top and footrest have several coats of clear verathane for durability and to show off the natural look of the  mahogany wood.  The drawer in the center still needs to be lined but I can do that inside.  It’s now sitting in my craft room, waiting for me to load up the drawers and get to work.

My craft room is a bit of a disaster area though, as I took out the small desk and table that were in there.  I have a lot of reorganizing to do! And I have 87 half-finished projects.

They came and installed the wood stove today.  I will have to post pictures of that later.  It’s a goddamn woodstove, use your imagination!  Hahah!  We need some furniture for down there now.  Derwood is off on Saturday so we’ll go together and look.  I’ve been to both furniture places and neither had anything that really grabbed me, but maybe if we go together…

Kay has been exceptionally bitchy.  This is my fault because I have just let her stay up and sleep as long as she wants all summer long.  I woke her up at 9AM today and she is C-RUST-Y today, but whatever.  She’s now in Back-To-School-Training-Mode, so she can suck it!

Em is grouchy today too.  She got settled in okay last night, or she must have because then she went out for dinner and a movie with friends and she wouldn’t have DREAMED of going out before she actually got settled, would she?  I’ve texted her about eight times asking her if she’s found a job yet!  Thanks to my techno savviness, I’m all up in her fizzle with my shizzle!  WOOHOO!  As Derwood’s mom used to always say “Fricken kids!”

Big Brother is on tonight…can I get a whoop-whoop?  I think Dan and Memphis are awesome and I want them to win.  Dan’s actions of late make me wonder just how much interference they get from Big Brother, because he just seems to have an incredible amount of ability to predict the future.  It’s weird.  Anyway, makes for good TV.

I’m reading a book called TWEAK by Nic Sheff, about his teen years spent on Meth/heroin/weed/booze/ketamine/etc.  His dad has apparently written a book about that time also called Beautiful Boy.  I have it on hold at the library.  His name is Dave Sheff and if he is as talented with the writing as his son, it will be an emotional read.  You know me and my love for a good addiction-gone-straight story.  There’s some video on YouTube of them, look it up if you’re interested.

Anyway, my tea is steeped so I’m going back to my book.

To quote Janelle from BB8, “Bye Bye bitches!”

Peace.

Thank you to everyone who sent emails, e-cards and Facebook greetings. I love you fuckers!

Peace.

She leaves tomorrow.  She’s still in bed this morning and she has to do a resume, get a new tire, finish her laundry, pack and clean up her room.  I’m thinking of getting pissed off at her so I can’t feel my heart breaking.  Did you know that you cannot feel anxiety when you are mad?  Rage on, Roxy, rage on!!

She was gone for the weekend to the city with Derwood’s sisters and their daughters.  Six of them off shopping for school clothes.  Em said at one point, my SIL’s were comparing stretch marks.  Em said Ben, the SIL who married the drunk and had four kids, looks like a dog chewed up her stomach.  This is making me giggle today, picturing a little dog knawing on my SIL.

My shoulder is screaming because I’m tense and I slept funny.  Either that or I’m having a fucking heart attack.  It’s tension though because when I take a deep breath and release it, it feels better.  And I notice that I’m holding my breath and shallow breathing because I AM A CRAZY PERSON AND DON’T KNOW HOW TO HAVE FEELINGS.

The desk is done!  It was moved into my craft room last night by Derwood and this kid who is going to take our sectional sofa set from downstairs.  See, with the wood stove installation, our sectional, which fit in the corner where the wood stove will be, will no longer fit.  SO, we’ve decided to get some new furniture.  Probably a love seat and two recliners.  Or something.  I’m going to start looking though.  If we get a loveseat, I want a hide-a-bed because you can always use the extra sleeping space.  I don’t know that a full length sofa will fit though so whatever.  We’ll see what’s out there.

I took Em’s BIBLE last night.  It’s not an actual BIBLE, it’s a CD book that she stores all her discs in.  I ripped all the music from them that I wanted to load up on Johnny.  I got me some Eminem and some Ramones and some of my own discs that had MAGICALLY disappeared!  Anyway, Johnny’s almost sitting at 3000 songs now.  I have a stack of discs here that I need to rip today.  Distractions distractions.  Whatever keeps me from shitting myself.  Torn’s right, I need to embrace it and stop fighting it, but seriously, I’m scared that if I really let loose and start crying, I won’t stop.  Ever.  SO, I’ll cry later.  When no one can see me.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’ve let the tears flow here and there but I’m saving the BIG ONE, the snot-pouring, eye-swelling cry that I know is trapped inside, for another day.  Last night she gave me her straw Corona hat because I said it would make me look cool on my tractor and she agreed.  Corona hats DO up the coolness factor, even on old broads like me.

Well, I suppose I should shake my money maker.  I wasn’t going to blog because I’m Debbie Downer today, but maybe it helped me get it out a bit.  I don’t know.  Bear with me, please and I will be forever grateful.

I will post pics tomorrow.  I promise.

Peace.

I just finished the second book from one of my all-time favorite authors Josh Kilmer Purcell whom I’ve blogged about before here. Anyway, this second offering from JKP is a work of fiction and it was delicious! I’m not just saying that in case he pops in here again either. As a kid who grew up in the 80s too (he’s 37) we were clearly exposed to similar levels of Television growing up and he pulled out all the cultural references he could muster in his latest book Candy Everybody Wants, which is an entertaining and delightful read!!! Pick it up, bitches! It’s just the little pick me up that everyone need! JT, I especially think you’d LOVE it, because I swear to god, it sounds just like you. No, really. It does. Especially all the zany things that happens, it’s like a page out of your teen years. HAHAH!

So, my sadness has ebbed for a moment or two. I’ve come to discover it’s not her leaving that has me so worked up, it’s the ANTICIPATION of her leaving that is turning me into a shitting, shaking mess. Yeah. Hello Anxiety, my old friend, where ya been? So, I’m trying to do what I know to do to shake the blues away, I’m talking about it to anyone who will listen and I spent the day yesterday putting more music on Johnny the iPod because I had a craving for Bette Midler and Kris Kristopherson (not together but separately) and so I put another couple hundred songs on him. I’m up to 2603 songs now and still no AC/DC. LOL!

Yesterday, the chimney boys came and installed the metal chimney for the woodstove. Oh baby, is there any better feeling after an hour of shoveling in the darkness of January in northern Canada than to come inside, make a cup of hot chocolate and curl up beside the heat of a woodstove to watch a bit of tv or play a game of Big Brain Academy on the Wii???? I think not! Winter will border on pleasurable this year, bitches!

So, Em is in Edmonton this weekend with her aunties and cousins. This is good for her and good for me because come Monday, it will be packing, cleaning, tossing things out and maybe for the first time in 18 years, her room will be clean?  She is leaving on Wednesday.  Please send drugs ExpressPost!

Kay has to work Sunday and Monday. She got her first paycheque the other day and it was $83.54! Isn’t that exciting stuff for a kid of not even 14? Ahhh, my girls!

I have another coat of varnish to put on the desk and then hopefully, it will be done. I still need to decorate the drawer and coat it, but that can be done a little later. I’m planning on spending some time this weekend removing the existing desk and table from my craft room and getting it all ready for the new big desk. I’m planning some serious crafting this fall. Seriously.

And starting on the first day of school, I am making a personal commitment to myself to be consistent with the treadmill. I seriously prefer walking in the out of doors, but for one, I have no one to walk with (and don’t even suggest Derwood because he walks slower than molasses) and two, I don’t exactly live in a walk-friendly place since there are moose, deer, coyotes and BEARS running around rampant here lately! I mean, I can take Taz with me but he’d probably start something that neither of us could finish so fuck that nonsense. Anyway, I’m going to do this treadmill thing. Derwood has me reading labels and I’ve discovered that I’m a carb addict, probably even more than he is. Oh fucking well, I say! With my recent digestive issues, thanks to my stress levels, my tummy is almost flat so fuck it, apparently I’m not as fat as I think I am, I’m just full of shit.  But my ass is still like a bowl of jello so I’m going on the treadmill.  And it’s a great way to do the whole body/mind/connection shit that all the self-help books preach about.

School starts in just a little over a week and then I will have my trip to Jasper with Devo to get ready for. I’m trying not to think about it too much because thinking leads to shitting. Hey, I should paint that on a plaque and hang it in my craft room! I could even get a little clump of fake poo and glue it onto the plaque! I should start a line of crafts…”Inappropriate Crafts for the Demented Crafter!” OMG! I may be on to something!

Anyway, because my blog has been such a goddamn bipolar hot mess lately, I thought I would spare you gentle readers with coming up with more tender and heartfelt wishes of peace for me and ask you this question instead:

“What is the best album of all time for you, and why?”

Please leave your answers in the comments. All of you. Even the quiet ones who never say shit!

Peace.

I’m feeling lost.
I’m thinking too much.
About friends that take.
About kids that leave.
About broken hearts.
About too much time.
About not enough time.
About times gone by.
I feel a little fragile tonight.
Okay, a lot fragile.

Two days of rain. How am I going to get through winter?

My kid leaves in a week for college. I know she is only going to be two hours away. My rational mind says it’s okay and it’s not a big whoop. My heart though is literally clamoring in my chest to jump out, drop to the floor and wrap itself her ankles and scream “STAY!” Today, I actually looked at her and said “Baby, why don’t you stay home for one more year?” to which she replied “Screw you mom, I’m going to college!” We laughed. I really should have planned the timing of that kid better. It’s no fair having a kid leave home and to turn 40 all in one fell swoop.

I wish The Beatles had never split up and that John Lennon was still alive.

The tiling and grouting is done in the basement. The woodstove guys will be here Friday.
All ready for Back To School.
Kay broke up with Jimmy today.
Derwood has lost 15 pounds on the Atkins diet. I’m starving half to fucking death and I’m eating other stuff too. I had two salads yesterday and took some Benefibre last night because I hadn’t gone for a couple of days. Well, that was a shitty thing to do, and that’s all I’m saying about that.

The only way I can stop myself from thinking too much is to have Johnny blasting in my ears. I’ll be deaf before I’m 41.

Peace.

A year ago today, Murphy’s dad passed away.  This was the third catastrophic hit that the Me/Murphy/Pearce Trio had to endure (me: moving, Pearce: hubby’s cancer)  So, with that, we thought “Okay, that’s three things now this shit is over!”  Because as you know, everything happens in threes.  At least that’s how we justify it.  It’s how we mark things.

As humans, we try to measure things with markers. Before Christ.  Before MTV.  After 911.  After my Grandmother Died.  Before the diagnosis.  Everyone has their own markers.  I’ve been thinking a great deal about this lately.

Today, I got an email from JT, letting Margo and I know that his mom passed away.  Instantly, the tears flowed because I was really hoping she’d pull through.  I think we are living parallel lives and I know how much he is hurting and how tired he is feeling right now.  Death can be so exhausting for those left behind yet somehow we muddle through.  The time being marked forever in our hearts.  The season, a song, the calendar… all reminders of what we lose.  What we gain.

I’ve been working on my desk.  I’m calling it my desk because I spoke for it (even though it was offered to Derwood) and I’m repairing it and breathing new life into it, and I will ultimately be the one using it.  Derwood came out to the garage today to see my progress, he was impressed.  I showed him the drawer with the markings in it.  His parents, at one time, had a small company that was actually just his dad working in the bush for himself and they had one of those “For Deposit Only to…” stamps with their old mailing address.  Well, one of the kids took the stamper and stamped it inside the drawer of this desk, so I sanded around it and plan on decoupaging the inside of the drawer with photos of Mom and Dad and sealing that stamped area to preserve it.  Derwood almost cried when I told him my plans.  I feel so strongly that it’s important to honor those we love in whatever ways we can and I want to make this desk become something that tells a story of who made it and how much they were loved.

As I was sanding it down, revealing the wood beneath the stain, I thought of my mother in law doing the taxes for the farm, thought of the old electric typewriter that sat on the desk when she wasn’t using it for sewing or paperwork or decorating her children’s wedding cakes.  I wondered if they chose the color together or if they argued about the handles.  More than once I had to stop sanding and wipe tears away, missing her with all my heart.  Missing the big strong man my father in law used to be before he was assaulted with Parkinson’s.  Not only thinking backwards but thinking forwards.  Missing Em before she has even left me.  Wishing her Grandma was here to watch her first grandkid go to college.  Oy, she would have loved that!  Especially the part about her being a girl and doing it.  She would be high fiving her and slipping money into her pocket.

But she’s not here.

And life goes on.

Things don’t happen in threes.  They happen in ones.  They happen in good ones.  They happen in bad ones.  They happen to me.  They happen to you.  They happen to all of us.  One thing at a time.  Good, bad, funny, sad, stupid, clumsy, brilliant, tragic, hilarious, amazing things happening all the time.

It’s life.

Peace.