Atrophy

My writing muscles are as flabby as my thighs, and that’s all I really have to say about that. I haven’t written in so long, I’ve forgotten how, I’m sure. It’s so bizarre because for so long, this was a place that I needed in order to function in my day to day life, now it’s a fucking afterthought.

Since I’ve written last, it was OCTOBER for the love of god, a lot has happened and yet nothing has happened. A bunch of little things happened.

  • Babies who are no longer babies came for Halloween.
  • My birthday was overlooked again by four key people in my life. My feelings were hurt yet I stayed silent. I was tempted to get some of those little calendars that hairdressers give you and include them in their Christmas cards with my birthdate circled in red but I thought that might be too OUT THERE. Whatever. I’ve decided this is as old as I feel like being anyway so 47 forever, motherfuckers!
  • Speaking of Christmas cards, they didn’t happen for everyone this year. I got family done, then I worked on close friends, then I panicked and then I gave up. I was so far behind this year and the only thing I can attribute it to was my husband’s work schedule.
  • He still has a job.
  • I had my follow up with my OBGYN. I explained that the pill was making me grouchy but that was the only side effect. It’s not a perfect solution but he said we can ride it out for a year, go off it, and see where I am then. Meanwhile, I will just be a bitch!
  • Postponed my Book Club night in December. I chose Angela’s Ashes as it is my favourite Memoir, after Motley Crue’s The Dirt, which would not have been an appropriate choice. My month was November, but since October’s book was pushed back, mine got pushed back.
  • Molly got into some garbage that happened to contain a failed fudge attempt. The fudge recipe called for three cups of semi sweet chocolate chips. I had no idea how much she had eaten, so I called the vet once she started vomiting all over! I brought her in and he gave her meds to induce vomiting and when she filled a square washpan full, we were all astounded. He then tubed some charcoal into her belly and took $350 of my money. At least I had my dog for Christmas. I just had to make sure that if she started throwing up again or HAVING SEIZURES to rush her to the city as they’d be able to put her on IV and monitor her through the night. Yay! Like I’m not sleepless enough?! She was fine after a few days. Lesson learned.
  • Gus turned 21. I got us tickets to go see Joan Jett and Heart in concert. He was in such a Joan Jett phase for so long and I’m still in a Heart phase, so it’s win-win. He was pretty happy! He went to the city and partied in the gay bars all night.
  • The Babies Who Are No Longer Babies came for Christmas. Highlight! Lowlight? People that came for Christmas that were not raised by me. The usual suspect was NOT the culprit this year and that’s all I’m saying about that.
  • The Babies Who Are No Longer Babies also came for New Years’, no adults. We needed a couple of days rest in between. It was joyous. We walked, made snow angels, played with new toys that they are keeping here, watched movies, had baths, went to a Kodiaks game, went to the city and walked through an Ice Castle, tried new foods, and just enjoyed each other so much. We’d much rather hang out with babies than go out. Having them here got us out of going drinking and spending a bunch of money. My kind of night!
  • We had planned on going up north to see the family on NYD. We were so worn out from Christmas, we bailed. He had just come off of two weeks of nights and I had just come off of 6 weeks of getting everything ready for Christmas. Whatever.
  • Gus finally had his appointment with an endocrinologist. It did not go well. The endo’s office had sent his paperwork outlining the tests he would need to get done to an address we no longer live at, so when he showed up, he did not have the required blood work done. So he got the tests done there, only they fucked up and still missed tests they needed, so he had to go for blood work here too and THEY fucked up some tests too, it would turn out. But I’m getting ahead of myself. He was devastated after the appointment and was blowing off steam but saying shit like “I’m fucking done with this shit! It would be easier if I were dead.” You know, things a mother loves to hear. So then I was on Suicide Watch and was not fun to be around. Later, I was relieved that he’d vented those feelings out because that shows incredible growth on his part because before? He’d have just said “I’m fine.” and sat in his room for a month.
  • Derwood went back to work January 11th after being home for something like 18 days. I decided once he left that I was going on Mental Health Lockdown. Mental Health Lockdown is when you decide to turn down all social invitations for the entire time he is gone, 2 weeks, or until you can’t take it anymore. So far, I’m on day 10 and have turned all my friends down at least once…
  • HOWEVER I was supposed to hold the postponed book club meeting on the 13th. Well, guess what? Literally no one read the book. I was annoyed because to quote Stephanie Tanner “HOW RUDE!” but I was also relieved because I did not feel like entertaining anyway, since I was on Mental Health Lockdown, I could cancel and not feel guilty. Well, everyone still wanted to come for snacks but I said “NOPE! NO SNACKS FOR YOU!” Then it was suggested that the book be held over til next month but I kiboshed that because I’m moving on. Moving on from Book Club. They hate my books, I hate theirs, fuck off and let me read my own shit at my own pace. I’m done!
  • I’ve been obsessing about money because I’ve been watching Til Debt Do Us Part. I’m obsessed. I want to have the jars and live on cash after we calculate our Fixed Expenses! Derwood kiboshed that but we did have a hard look at our finances and we also met with our financial girl at the bank and we are going to leave things as they are for now. Since our dollar is worth goddamn pennies, there’s no sense in worrying about money, it’s not worth anything anyway.
  • We booked a spot for a four day camping weekend in Jasper in June. It’s seriously the only thing keeping me from sticking my mouth on a tail pipe. I’m kidding, sort of. I have more days to add to that trip but I’m going to wait til Derwood is home to discuss it with him.
  • David Bowie and Glen Frey. C’mon Universe!
  • During my Mental Health Lockdown, I have managed to clean my craft room. And my house is clean. So naturally, my state of Mental Health is fragile because that is a direct indication. Messy house? Happy me. Spotlessness? A head full of chaos.
  • Gus finally got his Testosterone prescription at his second Endo appointment. He’s a pretty happy guy. He’s going to start the shots next week so I will have someone going through hormone induced puberty while I cope with hormone induced menopausal management. Pray for us. PRAY FOR US!
  • Gus broke up with his boyfriend the other day. The long distance (one hour) was too much. Never mind the age gap. And the mental health issues. Things have been crazy here, people. Crazy.

I need sleep. I’ve been going to bed at 10;30 and it’s almost an hour past that. I may go have coffee with a friend tomorrow unless I change my mind. Who knows, it’s my prerogative.

Peace.